UNSPOKEN TRUTH: TEEN DATING VIOLENCE

My name is Kamilah, I am 17 years old, a senior in high school, a survivor of teen dating violence, and an activist and leader in my community. I currently live in Brownsville, which is a neighborhood in east Brooklyn. As a member of the Sadie Nash Leadership Project, each of us designs a Leadership Action Project to address an issue that concerns us in our community. For my Leadership Action Project, I am designing ways to give a voice to teenagers in abusive relationships, or teens that have been in abusive relationships. The main goal of my Project is to let people, primarily adults, realize that dating violence not only happens to them but it also may happen to your daughter, your daughters’ friend, your neighbor from down the hall or to a cousin. I am creating a project to describe and address the five main types of abuse for teenagers: emotional, mental, physical, sexual, and verbal (although financial abuse may also play apart in dating/ domestic violence situations). I felt compelled to work on this project because of what I see around me and what I know is happening in real teenage relationships today.

It seems that most adults either choose to ignore teen dating violence or seem to have no idea that it is happening at all. When I needed support, I was shocked to see that the Internet, which is a main source of information for young people today, had hardly any information on teen dating violence. This lack of information has driven my project. Young women and girls need to know they are not alone and that there are options. The way that teens hear about abuse is through television or reading a magazine, which refers to husband-wife or maybe adult-child abuse. I have friends in violent teen relationships who do not have anyone to ask for support but myself or their other friends. The common thread that ties them all together is that they had no one older to go to for support or guidance.

Many people think that dating violence only happens to adults but I am here to let them know they are wrong. Many teenagers, just like adults, do not understand what a healthy relationship looks like. Some teens may not have anyone older that they can talk to about relationships. Sometimes they are afraid to talk to adults about relationships who often seem busy and may believe they are “ too young” to be in a relationship and so teens fear the adult becoming mad. Often teens think they can take care of themselves or they should be taking care of their own “problems.”

When you know that in the next twenty-four hours 1,439 teens will attempt suicide, 2,795 girls will become pregnant, or that 3,506 teens will run away, adults should begin to ask themselves why these numbers are so high and why those teens are not coming to them for support. Teens have been found to have the highest occurrences of partner violence according to the Department of Justice. 40% of teenage girls ages 14 to 17 report knowing someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend. One-third of teens experience abuse in their romantic relationships, and there are reports that show that one in five girls in high school are physically or sexually abused by a dating partner.

This needs to be a topic that people talk about because it is happening and it is out there. Teens who are being abused or who have been abused should know that they are not alone, and it is not their fault, they do not deserve this. If you are a teen who is being abused don’t be afraid to talk to people, take chances with people you trust, believe in yourself (trust your gut feeling that this is not right for you) and help is out there.

I would encourage parents to talk to their children because there are a lot of ways teens learn things outside of the home and it is best if they hear it from an adult who cares about them or someone more experienced than just their peers. I would suggest that adults who may be skeptical or do not know how to begin the discussion bring articles like this one to a teen they care about and ask them if this is something they have experienced or their opinion on this topic.  Even if this is not an issue for a certain teen, a serious and respectful discussion about teen dating violence may open doors to have other conversations about other important issues.

As a country, we are avoiding talking about teen dating violence. Often people think it is the “fault” of the abused that she is being abused. As a 17-year-old, I know that no one has the right to abuse another individual for his or her selfish desires or lack of experience with healthy relationships. You can change this pattern by talking to teens and when you do, act with love, with support, and without judgement.

Kamilah is a 17-year-old young woman who has been a part of the Sadie Nash Leadership Project for two years. She recommends Breakthecycle.org as a resource for teens and adults.